Chronic Procrastinator
Ok, as you can no doubt tell, I have yet to post anything since my return on Friday. While I could refer you back to my inaugural post in July and not explain myself, I have too much respect for my loyal reader(s). It is no secret that diligence is not a virtue I possess, and it is why I reserved the right from the beginning to go days, weeks, or five months between postings. However, if I expect people to take this seriously and read my entries on a regular basis I know my frequency must be slightly better than once every five months. I must take responsibility for myself not only as an aspiring writer, but as a person. No more hiding behind my past procrastination problems. No more blatantly planned alliteration. From now on, the buck stops here.
But the reason for no posts really is not my fault. You see, I have been planning this great, massive post entitiled "How I Would Fix Saturday Night Live If I Were Put In Charge." I know it is not the snazziest title, but I thought it sounded better than "The Only Way To Make This Decaying Piece of Shit Worse Is to Replace The Actors with Decaying Pieces of Shit...And Some Ass Shots of Tina Fey." Also, "The Land Before Time II" was taken as well. A piece of this magnitude, however, requires thought, planning, and more than 15 minutes of dedication a day. Now, I know you are all thinking my past procrastination problems are again a problem as they continue to pop-up and play havoc with my postings and I am passing the blame on to other people. (spontaneous alliteration, I promise).
But it is not like that. I swear, I changed, baby. You see, I got the idea so late on Friday night, I knew it would be impossible to finish before I would have to go to bed. Saturday and Sunday were New Year's Eve & New Year's D ay, which meant planning, consumption, and recovery. Monday and Tuesday meant bowl games, snow keeping everyone indoors and on the computer, and frequent naps interrupted by periods of not showering. Plus, as you may know, I watched 46 episodes of Scrubs in 10 days, 15 of which I watched for a second time. All this activity and refusal to shower left precious little time to sit at the computer, put time and effort in on my writing, and pretend to stay off Facebook for more than 11 seconds...
BUT to blame all this as the reason for my unsuccessful attempts at writing my post, "The Land Before Ti- er,
I mean (abbreviated and say it with me), "TOWTMTDPOSWITRTAWDPOS...ASAOTF", would be silly. It would be wrong. It would be the old me. So after nighttime, the calendar, alcohol, alcohol, sleep, alcohol, college football, not showering, snow, my parents, Scrubs, a nice, hot, long not taking a shower, Facebook, images of Sarah Chalke in my head, and amateur porn pages, I take full responsibility for my failure to post "TOWTMTDPOSWITRTAWDPOS...ASAOTF" in a timely and professional manner. Like I said, the buck stops here. So barring any more interference from Sarah Chalke, I promise to have my SNL Improvement done by the end week faster than you can say "TOWTMTDPOSWITRTAWDPOS...ASAOTF".
Not only will I have the piece done, but I will be explaining what I hope will become a regular feature that was inspired by my good friend and fellow lazy aspiring writer, Jason Abbruzzese. You can trust Jason. He showers regularly and in the early 1970's he spent 72 excrutiating hours on Martha's Vineyard with James Taylor, smoking Hash and shaving Taylor's head until he saw both Fire...and Rain. So you know when this guy has an idea, it is the goods.
Now, if you excuse me, I have episodes of Scrubs to re-watch and a nice hot bath to sit next to.
Ok, as you can no doubt tell, I have yet to post anything since my return on Friday. While I could refer you back to my inaugural post in July and not explain myself, I have too much respect for my loyal reader(s). It is no secret that diligence is not a virtue I possess, and it is why I reserved the right from the beginning to go days, weeks, or five months between postings. However, if I expect people to take this seriously and read my entries on a regular basis I know my frequency must be slightly better than once every five months. I must take responsibility for myself not only as an aspiring writer, but as a person. No more hiding behind my past procrastination problems. No more blatantly planned alliteration. From now on, the buck stops here.
But the reason for no posts really is not my fault. You see, I have been planning this great, massive post entitiled "How I Would Fix Saturday Night Live If I Were Put In Charge." I know it is not the snazziest title, but I thought it sounded better than "The Only Way To Make This Decaying Piece of Shit Worse Is to Replace The Actors with Decaying Pieces of Shit...And Some Ass Shots of Tina Fey." Also, "The Land Before Time II" was taken as well. A piece of this magnitude, however, requires thought, planning, and more than 15 minutes of dedication a day. Now, I know you are all thinking my past procrastination problems are again a problem as they continue to pop-up and play havoc with my postings and I am passing the blame on to other people. (spontaneous alliteration, I promise).
But it is not like that. I swear, I changed, baby. You see, I got the idea so late on Friday night, I knew it would be impossible to finish before I would have to go to bed. Saturday and Sunday were New Year's Eve & New Year's D ay, which meant planning, consumption, and recovery. Monday and Tuesday meant bowl games, snow keeping everyone indoors and on the computer, and frequent naps interrupted by periods of not showering. Plus, as you may know, I watched 46 episodes of Scrubs in 10 days, 15 of which I watched for a second time. All this activity and refusal to shower left precious little time to sit at the computer, put time and effort in on my writing, and pretend to stay off Facebook for more than 11 seconds...
BUT to blame all this as the reason for my unsuccessful attempts at writing my post, "The Land Before Ti- er,
I mean (abbreviated and say it with me), "TOWTMTDPOSWITRTAWDPOS...ASAOTF", would be silly. It would be wrong. It would be the old me. So after nighttime, the calendar, alcohol, alcohol, sleep, alcohol, college football, not showering, snow, my parents, Scrubs, a nice, hot, long not taking a shower, Facebook, images of Sarah Chalke in my head, and amateur porn pages, I take full responsibility for my failure to post "TOWTMTDPOSWITRTAWDPOS...ASAOTF" in a timely and professional manner. Like I said, the buck stops here. So barring any more interference from Sarah Chalke, I promise to have my SNL Improvement done by the end week faster than you can say "TOWTMTDPOSWITRTAWDPOS...ASAOTF".
Not only will I have the piece done, but I will be explaining what I hope will become a regular feature that was inspired by my good friend and fellow lazy aspiring writer, Jason Abbruzzese. You can trust Jason. He showers regularly and in the early 1970's he spent 72 excrutiating hours on Martha's Vineyard with James Taylor, smoking Hash and shaving Taylor's head until he saw both Fire...and Rain. So you know when this guy has an idea, it is the goods.
Now, if you excuse me, I have episodes of Scrubs to re-watch and a nice hot bath to sit next to.
posted by Andrew Felper | 9:21 PM
1 Comments:
i just want to clarify. its not like i was james taylor's bitch or anything. he in turn shaved my ass which led me to write "ring of fire" which johnny cash took from me after he shot me, just to watch me limp hilariously about sans a knee cap.
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